Around the world, sophisticated couples are discovering
the joys of the dinner party ... and encountering a series
of difficult dilemmas. How do you set a table with
wine-tasting glasses? What should you bring when you are
invited to dine? Roberta Mascheroni, an expert on good
manners, reveals the rules that govern dining and
entertaining, clearing up the knotty issues that cause
most embarrassment and uncertainty.
Over the last five
years, the country that invented etiquette has
rediscovered manners. Italy, home to Castiglione's The
Coutier, has been reconverted to formality by the Ii
Galatea a test of the Milanese aristocrat Roberta
Mascheroni who teaches at La Scuola delia Cucina Italiana,
in Milan, Italy. Her advice ranges to areas of life
unknown to a Renaissance courtier like Baldassare
Castiglione (he never wrote an email), but it focuses on
Masheroni's special passion - the conventions of elegant
dining.
Dining, because it offers such clear opportunities for
embarrassing gaffes is one area she feels we all have much
to learn about. "The essence of good manners," she says,
"is genuinely wanting to put the other person at ease.
They are just a way of putting into practice the Christian
principle of treating other people as you would like them
to treat you." At a formal meal, however, good intentions
are not enough. The best way to make a good impression is
to know the rules. Take the present you bring your host. A
nice bottle of wine? Absolutely not. "This is one example
of where a lot of people go wrong. It is not good manners
to bring a bottle of wine. Obviously, your hostess will
have organised a meal and chosen a wine that perfectly
accompanies the dishes. But if you bring wine she will
feel that she should open it. If you know the rules, it is
easier. If you really have to bring wine, always bring two
bottles and clearly say, "for another occasion". If you
are a hostess and a guest brings wine or a dessert, you
must do the same. Thank your guest and tell them that you
will enjoy it together at another time."
There is also a sophisticated protocol for setting the
table. As fashionable couples across Europe increasingly
entertain their friends at dinner parties, it is one of
the areas where Roberta Mascheroni finds she is most often
asked for advice. She has also been forced to extend the
conventions of established guides as changes in dining
present new quandaries.
For instance, one fundamental convention for a place
setting is that the knives are on the left and the forks
on the right of the plate. They are positioned in order of
use, starting from the outer edge, with the knife blades
pointing towards the plate and the forks' prongs (unless
you are in France or in the house of a francophile
Piedmont aristocrat) curving upwards.
But what about the fork for spaghetti? "There is one
particular issue that creates a lot of uncertainty. If you
serve pasta, where do you put the fork? Now a lot of
people, reading the traditional style guides will read
that all the forks go on the left, so they will put it on
the left. In fact, the reason for putting forks on the
left is simply because you use them with your left hand.
But a fork for spaghetti (and you should only set a fork -
if your guest wants a spoon as well, he can ask) is held
in your right hand. Put it on the right. And the same goes
for a spoon for minestrone.
The current trend for wine tasting presents a further
complication. "The convention for glasses is that they
should be in a diagonal line above the plate to the right.
The order from left to right is water, red wine then white
wine. Some people will say that the centre of the red wine
glass should be in a line with the principal fork. If you
have a fourth glass for dessert wine (and never set a
table with more than four glasses), then it goes above the
red wine, which moves slightly out of line with the water
and white wine to give it room."
These rules, however, cannot be applied when the meal
involves wine tasting. "The appropriate glasses for wine
tasting are far too big to be put in the traditional
position. If you are going to taste more than one wine, in
fact, the best thing is to take away the first glass and
replace it rather than have both on the table
simultaneously. There is another problem with water. This,
according to convention, goes on the left, but to make
space for the larger wine-tasting glass it is best to
serve water in a tumbler that is much lower than the tall
wine glass. Put this on the left and every time your
guests want to take a sip of water; they will knock over
their wine glass. So the rule is, put the water tumbler on
the right of a wine-tasting glass. Here, the essential
factor is the height of the glasses - which should descend
from left to right."
In general, Roberta Mascheroni links the entire table
setting to the convenience of the diners. The centrepiece,
for instance, should never be too large to present an
obstacle to seeing across the table. But as it is such an
attractive part of the table setting, even in limited
space there should always be some flowers (not highly
perfumed) or, if you want to be creative, something like a
display of fruit. In really cramped conditions do not omit
a centrepiece (or, even worse, take it from the table
during the meal) but simply put a flower in a small vase
by each place setting.
For similar reasons of respect for your guests, the
napkins should not be presented in intricate shapes. It is
actually much more convenient for a guest to use a napkin
that has been simply folded into a neat rectangle. A
concern for hygiene is also better displayed in a simply
presented napkin rather than one that has been manipulated
into an exotic form. Clear logic also dictates the precise
positions of your plate on the table. This should be at a
distance of two fingers from the table's edge positioned
so that if any food drops from a guest's fork, it will be
caught by the table, not his lap. Of course, now that
service plates have been introduced - these ensure that
the guest never sits at an empty setting while a new
course is brought - the rule changes. As a service plate
is itself designed for catching any falling morsel, its
edge is precisely aligned with that of the table itself.
Roberta Masheroni also argues that, as the conventional
place setting is not arbitrary but functional, it presents
only limited room for personal creativity. "Lots of people
like to show their personality and imagination by giving
their table setting a distinctive feature. This is
absolutely fine, but I suggest that if you want to do
something a bit different with your setting, do it with
just one aspect." For instance, you could decide to have a
different colour napkin rather than one that matches the
tablecloth. This is fine, but if you want to do this, make
sure that everything else follows the established pattern.
You could also use coloured glasses if you like, but again
make sure that everything else is according to the rules.
And only use the coloured glasses for water - a wine
connoisseur will not appreciate having a glass that
prevents him from enjoying the colour of his wine".
One specific area where she notices that convention is
already changing is with wine glasses. It is, she says,
now common in some of the most sophisticated homes and
restaurants to set places at which each diner will have
wine from a different set of glasses. The resulting
variation in height and shape is actually an attractive
and chic effect. She is also very enthusiastic about
another slightly unusual approach to place setting -
giving each guest his or her own salt and pepper pots.
Again, this has a clear functional logic - allowing each
diner to apply the precise quantity of salt or pepper that
suits his or her palate.
A further tip for the host is to serve white wine and
young red wine in a jug, as this helps to remove the
chemicals that can cause headaches but always present the
bottle alongside. If necessary, do this on an trolley or
small table rather than on the main table. And always aim
for overall harmony of colours and forms - so that your
centrepiece, for example, has the same shape as the table,
round for a round table or square for a square table.
For guests, the crucial points to remember are: bring a
gift - either flowers (a bunch to be sent in advance, not
brought on the day, of an odd number over five) or
something personal like a book; do not put your hands on
the table in Britain or America (although in the rest of
the world you can and in Italy it is actually considered
odd to leave your hands on your lap); and, finally, use
the correct signal when you have finished a course - if
the plate is considered as a clock, put your knife and
fork together at twenty minutes past four. A final point:
good manners are no substitute for good intentions. An
elegant dinner depends on understanding etiquette, but
impeccable manners and settings do not guarantee a good
evening. Roberta Mascheroni reminds all her pupils at the
prestigious Scuola di Cucina Italiana that, unless they
genuinely want to put people at their ease, their dinners
will never be successes.
Mark Scoggins
